something new

For those of you who have been checking my blog for a new post... I apologize. Instead of making a list of excuses, I am going to let you know that I am changing the direction of my blog a bit and will be updating it soon. Because I need to set a deadline for myself, you can count on seeing something new by November 24.

Thank you friends & family for checking out my blog

Only because of Him,

CFL

it has been awhile

I have not been stellar at keeping up with this blogging thing. You should see all the half filled journals I started once upon a time with great intentions. I promise to keep trying to update my blog. All of you faithful followers, please keep checking back! :)

So much has happened, I do not know where to start. Since I just read my previous post on romantic relationships (or my lack of one), I will start there. I am still single. I did have someone I became interested in but, after he blew me off and started ignoring me without telling me why, I decided it was not going to work out. 

I got a bit discouraged with a recent realization: I am the first girl in my family to not have met her spouse by age 21. All my older sisters got married when they were 21. I know it is not right for me to compare myself to them and their situations, but it's still a bit sad when I do not even have a boyfriend right now. BUT, I need to remember that I have done a lot in my 21 years of life even if I do not have a romantic relationship at the moment.

So I continue to wonder and pray. I was blessed to find this blog post by a girl who is a Trinity grad. Feel free to check it out for yourself:

http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/

The part that this author wrote that sticks out to me is this:

"I lived like I was waiting for something... I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here. I already have Him [Jesus]… and He is everything."

Why are my thoughts and actions often centered around finding a man? Why have I frequently thought to myself, "If I just trust God- He will bring me a husband."? Why do I treat God like a gum-ball machine when it comes to a husband? "Well if I just trust God and pray a lot, then he will bring me a spouse." Trust God and get a husband. Give fifty cents and get a gum-ball. 

Why am I living like I am waiting when Jesus wants me to invest in my relationship with Him and loves me more than humanly possible? Why do I feel incomplete without a husband when Jesus died so that I can be completely His? 

I am not saying I think I am going to be single my whole life but what if I am? What if God wants me all to himself my whole life? Am I okay with that? Am I going to live like I am incomplete when I have all I need in Christ? 

Friends, please keep me in your prayers as I walk this journey.

single status

Okay, so I wanted to update you first on my living situation. I am moving in about 2 weeks to live and help care for the ALS patient. I see God's hand in this and am thankful for this opportunity. 


If you have been to my facebook page recently, you have probably noticed status updates with quotes about being single and noticing attractive guys at the gym. Well, the idea of a romantic relationship has been on my mind a lot lately. Now, I have been in a few relationships but am not going into any of those details. It does not change my current status as a young single female. 


I am reminded of this almost daily. Whenever I sign into facebook, it seems that someone has just gotten married. My news feed is filled with engagements, weddings, births... and pretty much anything and everything that reminds me that I am single. A trip to the beach or pool reveals couples everywhere. I would not say that single summers are a blast. I mean, what girl does not want to take a walk hand-in-hand with their man on a warm summer evening?


I can definitely be a geek sometimes and would be lying if I denied having multiple podcasts in my itunes on godly romantic relationships. So I've probably officially scared off every single guy reading this but oh well.

There is a quote pertaining to relationships that I found online which has been swirling around in my mind. It reads:

“If you are not content single you will not be content married.” 

That seemed a little harsh when I first read it. Initially, I starting thinking the author meant that once a person is married, they will want outside relationships. So, I disagreed with that statement. As I read on and began to think about this more, the author's meaning started to make sense: Contentment is not exclusive to relationships. Contentment is a mindset in all areas of life. If I am not practicing contentment in any area (possessions, friendships, social status, relationships) there is a pretty good chance that I will not be content when I am married.

According to the dictionary, one is content when they are "satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else." Think about what the opposite is: wanting more. I know this truth is clearly pictured in children. When a child REALLY wants a specific toy, and finally gets it for his/her birthday, what do they want for Christmas? A new toy. Was their birthday gift enough? Nope. Wanting more is a vicious cycle.

The above quote is simple: Marriage is not the answer to all one's needs and desires. Being content is a mindset. What this means for me: I need to learn to have a content mindset in ALL areas of life- not just relationships. 

Paul spoke about this in Phillipians 4:12-13:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I don't think that it is a coincidence that the famous, encouraging Phillipians 4:13 is placed right after a call to be content. Learning to be satisfied with where ever, and with whatever, God places in my life is going to be difficult. But, it will not be impossible with God's strength.

Instead of viewing my status as single in this season of life, I am going to try to view this season as a call to contentment; a time to focus on the daily joys that God places in my life and celebrate this season.

yolo y'all

In a world of constant evolving internet and text messaging abbreviations, it is hard to stay current on the newest lingo. I consider myself to be a techy person and still get confused when I read a facebook status with a random abbreviation. This was the case with "yolo." What the heck does that mean? I immediately thought about New Orleans and how I was confused when I would read t-shirts in the gift shops that said "NOLA." (New Orleans Louisiana) I don't remember how long it took me to figure "yolo" out. Maybe I googled it or finally saw it explained on facebook. 

For those that also find themselves googling internet lingo and are still wondering what "yolo" means, here is your answer: You Only Live Once. Genius, right? There is so much truth to that statement. Unfortunately it is often interpreted in a party-all-you-want attitude. I began to think what this means concerning my housing situation. 


As you know, I recently got a new job. This job is located about 20 miles away. While this isn't a terrible commute, I would like to move closer and have been exploring different options. Here they are:


Option 1: Stay where I am at.
Option 2: Find a roommate and rent an apartment I found that is 1 mile from work and close to babysitting jobs. 
Option 3: Live about 10 miles from work and spend a few hours a week helping to care for a woman with ALS. This would include my own room and food.


While option 1 has been a blessing, I feel lonely a lot (read "this i know" post) and dislike the frustrating commute on Rt 41. So that leaves options 2 & 3. As I thought about "yolo" I started thinking that meant option 2. I can afford the rent with a roommate and I would have their company and more freedom. Surely I can make the minimum student loan payments and finish paying them off when I am a PA.


But option 3 hung around in my head. I would save a lot of money, be pretty close to work, have people around, have my own space, attain a valuable experience for graduate school, and be a blessing to others. What more could I ask for? Sure I'll have some responsibility helping someone who is disabled, but if God continues to teach me His promises like he did on my visit with this family (see "real love" post), this opportunity would be exciting and rewarding. 


Ever since I graduated in May, a desire has stirred in my heart to do something adventurous; something that is only possible in this season of my life as a single young adult. While I thought about going on a mission trip for a year or so before I resume being a student, I had obstacles in the way that made that idea impossible.

"Yolo" started to take on new meaning in my mind. When will I have an opportunity like this again? I could not do something like this in graduate school or when (and if) I have a family one day. Sure the opportunity to rent an apartment will arise again, and will probably be a reality during graduate school or if I get married one day. But, I only live once, right?


While I feel the need to spend a little time in prayer in evening, I think I know the answer and meaning of "yolo" for me in this season. Where ever I go and whatever I decide, the truth will remain the same: i only live once.

this i know

So it has been over two months since graduation. So much has changed- it is crazy! Following May 12 and up to today (July 22), I have...

• ...had a relationship end
• ...moved and had to begin paying rent for the first time in my life
• ...resigned from a job
• ...started my first full-time job
• ...begun to consider not becoming a PT but pursuing the PA (physicians assistant) route instead

I feel like that is a lot. So many changes and adjustments but I guess that is to be expected as a new graduate. Even amidst all these changes, I am learning more about myself. 

Recently I decided that I hate living alone. I have a town home all to myself for the summer while my roommate is working at Camp Awana. Sounds pretty sweet, right? I get to have the freedom of not sharing space with another person. This was appealing at first but then it quickly changed. I get lonely fast. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me, it is simply something I am learning about myself.

I feed off of other's energy. If I am alone for too long, I end up losing motivation and energy to be productive. In an attempt to keep myself company, I will turn on the TV. The problem with that is I end up watching TV instead of being productive :) I grew up without cable. Living in a location with a flat screen TV and cable has opened up a whole new world for me. I've been enjoying random shows from "NCIS" to "Say Yes to the Dress."

Instead of staying in an empty home, I will head to the store and shop or go have a cup of coffee. As you can imagine, this has not be great for my finances :) Anyways, what does this mean? I am an extrovert. Being alone drains energy out of me. It's not that I have to be around people ALL the time. Sometimes I do need alone time and time to "re-boot" as my roommate, Addlea, and I used to call it. 

Isn't it cool that through experiences like these, we are able to learn things about ourselves? God does not waste life experiences.

In conclusion, this I know: if I do not get married in the future, you better bet I make a lot of money for all my cable shows, shopping trips, and coffee cups. :)

i'm a big girl now

I thought I would take a little time and write about my first 3 days as my first full-time job. Here are some random events that have happened on the job:

• I got to see an anti-gravity treadmill and test it out.
• I cleaned the hydrocolator- a much needed task which none of the male techs wanted to do. Girl power!
• I helped make a splint.
• Someone let me borrow keys for the cleaning closets while I cleaned the hydrocolator. That person left for the day while I was still cleaning. Left the keys on their desk when I was done. When I left the clinic about 1.5 hours later, I had 2 voicemails. One from my boss, and the other from the clinic manager wanting to know where the keys were. I guess I had one of the few-if not only-keys to the clinic. Maybe I am trustworthy? :)
• I met the man that was in charge of building the clinic (it's only 7 months old). Found out he is from South Africa and came to the USA to pastor churches. He pastored churches for 12 years and is now working for IBJI and doing discipleship ministries. Another brother-in-Christ!

So, to be honest, I was having a hard day yesterday after work. I was missing the people at my previous clinic and wondering if this new job was going to be a good experience for me. God worked today though and I am growing to love my new co-workers and rekindle my passion for helping patient's with their injuries. 

Well, I am falling asleep writing this so I am going to let you go. I hope I have not made you sleepy, as well.

real love

What a long day! I was gone from 6:20 AM-11:00 PM... I'm insane! I began reflecting on my day as I was finally driving home in the dark: First day at a new job (8 hr work day), time at Panera, learning about a possible living situation, and an appointment with my counselor tonight. 


I could spend this post talking about my new job or drinking my frozen drink at Panera. But if I did that,  I would be missing some crazy cool things God showed me. 


Today I met an amazing husband and wife. For the sake of privacy, I am changing their names to Bob and Mary. Bob is a retired physician (MD) and father of 3 grown boys. He enjoys gardening and met the love of his life, Mary, in college at the University of Illinois. Mary has both her undergraduate and masters degrees. At one point, she worked in the Sears (now Willis) Tower and enjoyed raising her 3 boys. They have 2 grandchildren. 


One event changed both of their lives drastically. Eight years ago Mary was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) disease (also known as Lou Gehrig's disease). Due to the lack of understanding of the cause of this disease, and the absence of a cure, Mary is using a ventilator, being fed through a tube, has a catheter, uses a wheelchair, and can barely voluntarily move any of her body. Even though Mary is in this condition, she is still able to communicate using a laptop device with which she can look at the letters, phrases, and numbers on the screen and communicate through the laptop's automated voice. She can watch movies on it, browse the internet, and even instant message. Even though her body is deteriorating, her mind is active.


Okay, this blows me away! This is a great advancement in technology and is a great tool for those with this disease. This allows Bob to communicate with Mary- a gift I am sure he would not trade.


Bob cares for Mary practically 24/7. He has a caregiver that comes 7 days a week in the mornings, and a husband and wife that live with him and Mary in their large home and also share responsibilities. I met Bob today because I heard he needed a little more help with caring for Mary in exchange for room and board. The location of his house would be useful in my commute to my new job. My main responsibility would be helping get Mary comfortable to sleep each night, and keep her company at times throughout the week.


When I was talking with Bob, Mary was communicating through her special device. Through some of her facial expressions, it was evident she understood our conversation. Bob wants someone to sit with Mary occasionally so that he can spend time outside on his hobby of gardening. Also, when he needs to grocery shop, he needs someone to be present incase the ventilator malfunctions. There are also the other couple living in his house, and the caregiver that help with these things.


Just pause for a moment. Mary is completely dependent on Bob. Bob retired from his full-time job as a physician to take on another full-time job to care for his wife. He spends 99% of his week with her caring for her. 


You know what? THAT IS LOVE. That is the picture of love that is given in 1 Corinthians 13. And, since we know that the marriage relationship is an example of Christ's love for the church, Bob and Mary's relationship is a picture of Christ's love for us! He loves us even more than Bob does Mary because Christ did not give up 99% of his week for us, he gave up 100% of his LIFE for us. Wow. 


That is real love. 


I am not sure whether or not I will step into this living situation and have praying and thinking to do. But, even if I do not, I am thankful for the God sighting that I was given today.


Friends, we are called to "...walk in the way of love..." (Eph. 5:2) How can you show love to others in your life?